and now i know, it is possible to love someone more than anything.
it is a shame that it took us breaking up to realize how much she meant.
i’d do anything for her. will do anything for her.
now it means letting her go. and gods it hurts.
but it’s nice to love.
even if life is shit.
october was always my favorite month. it’d be a good 28th birthday.
Blam.
then nothing.
poetic and horrible.
don’t have any other plans so why not :-D
i wonder how much heroin it would take to make the blast not so bad. i cannot wait. a little mountain view. some tar in my veins. a hole in my chest.
every day i wait for it. it will happen. like destiny on a piece of papyrus.
i lost the only woman i’ve ever really loved.
i lost her and the wonderful life we could’ve had together
and movin on sucks.
i can only imagine she’s happier now.
i hope she’s happier now.
she deserves to be.
be glad when i’m through with this
goddamn lonely
goddamn lonely
love
nope nope nope nope nope
just want to die.
why am i not strong enough to pull the goddamn trigger.
maybe it’s something you grow into.
hell my grandad did it.
i can get there.
The way a cold one sits in my hand
with breeze through the pines
scattering pollen
and
turning the world yellow
and now there are yellow little run down houses and yellow old factory buildings
yellow and black slabs of concrete
with yellow and green people hustling to and from yellow shopping centers in their newly colored cars
i imagine there’s yellow in their brains and in their guts
and i hope that the infestation roots them to the ground
til they’re so full of yellow that
they are immobile and trapped in a pollen induced haze
filling them up with so much powdered color
that they become again empty
empty
like the bottle
now at my feet
